Arnost napísal:

Muž potrebuje pomoc v obchode a pýta sa asistentky, kde nájde tampóny.
vysvetlí mu, kde sú a muž ide po ne. Potom príde k pokladni s košíkom
plným vaty a balíkom šnúrok.
Predavačka sa naňho prekvapene pozrie a pýta sa, či nenašiel tampóny.
Muž jej odpovedá:
- "Poslal som ženu kúpiť balíček cigariet a ona mi kúpila tabak a papieriky so slovami, že je to OMNOHO LACNEJŠIE. Tak nech si šúľa aj ona...

toto je brutalne

Cigáň kradne drevo v hore. Ide okolo horár a kričí:
- Cigáň, čo kradneš to drevo?
Cigáň:
- Tto je pre kravy.
- Hej? A odkedy kravy žerú drevo?
- Čo nezožerú, popálim.

On (romanticky) : ,,Zatvor oči!"
Ona (celá šťastná zatvorila oči)
On (Po chvíľke ticha): ,,To je tma, čoooo!"

- Aký je rozdiel medzi ženou a diviakom?
- Žena nemá celú tvár od blata, kým nájde žaluď.

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The Blonde Funeral Director asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde Funeral Director a blank check and says, “I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.”
The widow returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the Blonde Funeral Director, “Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?”
To her astonishment, the Blonde Funeral Director presents her with the blank check.
“There’s no charge,” she says.
“No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!” the widow says.
“Honestly, ma’am,” the Blonde Funeral Director says, “it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.”
“So I just switched the heads.”

Peter92 napísal:

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The Blonde Funeral Director asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde Funeral Director a blank check and says, “I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.”
The widow returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the Blonde Funeral Director, “Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?”
To her astonishment, the Blonde Funeral Director presents her with the blank check.
“There’s no charge,” she says.
“No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!” the widow says.
“Honestly, ma’am,” the Blonde Funeral Director says, “it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.”
“So I just switched the heads.”

Američania majú radi pizzu s ananásom,Taliani so šunkou, no a Slováci s mäkčeňom

Peter92 napísal:

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The Blonde Funeral Director asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde Funeral Director a blank check and says, “I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.”
The widow returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the Blonde Funeral Director, “Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?”
To her astonishment, the Blonde Funeral Director presents her with the blank check.
“There’s no charge,” she says.
“No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!” the widow says.
“Honestly, ma’am,” the Blonde Funeral Director says, “it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.”
“So I just switched the heads.”

uz uz som si hovoril, ze to bude nejaka kokotina bez pointy...a ono to prislo v poslednej minute a necakane

na SR zial vdacna tema:

Na smrtneľnej posteli hovorí otec synovi:
"Synak, keď je dnes to dvojité občianstvo, vybav mi maďarské občianstvo."
"A prečo pre Boha práve teraz otec?"
"Lebo keď zomriem, aspoň bude o jedného Maďara menej."

Na motoreste sa rozletia dvere,
dnu vojde evidentne nasraty chlapik a hundre si:
- VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!!
Chlapik si sadne ku stolu, po chvili k nemu pride casnik a pyta sa ho, co si da.
- VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!!
Ludia sa pohorsene obzeraju.
- Ehm, prepacte, co to bude? - pyta sa casnik.
- Polievku, rezen a opekane zemiaky. VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!!
- Prosim vas, spravajte sa slusne, su tu aj ini hostia.
- Na mojom mieste by ste sa spravali rovnako! VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!!
- A co sa Vam stalo?
- Viete, ja som vodic nakladaku… VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!! Dnes rano som ako kazdy den sadol za volant a vyrazil do prace. VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!! V jednej kokotskej zakrute bola namrznuta voda z vyliateho potoka, dostal som smyk a vyletel do priekopy. Vsade samy lad, nemohol som sa vyhrabat. VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!!
- Fu, tak to je mrzute, ale aspon ste zivy, nie? - snazi sa ho uchlacholit casnik.
- VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!! Ked som uz isiel volat tazku techniku, zastavil pri mne taky zasran na audine, ze ci nechcem pomoct. Moj nakladak ma asi 2O ton, tak mu hovorim: Ak ma s hentym vytiahnes, tak ta vyfajcim. VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!!

camai napísal:

Na motoreste sa rozletia dvere,
dnu vojde evidentne nasraty chlapik a hundre si:
- VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!!
Chlapik si sadne ku stolu, po chvili k nemu pride casnik a pyta sa ho, co si da.
- VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!!
Ludia sa pohorsene obzeraju.
- Ehm, prepacte, co to bude? - pyta sa casnik.
- Polievku, rezen a opekane zemiaky. VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!!
- Prosim vas, spravajte sa slusne, su tu aj ini hostia.
- Na mojom mieste by ste sa spravali rovnako! VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!!
- A co sa Vam stalo?
- Viete, ja som vodic nakladaku… VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!! Dnes rano som ako kazdy den sadol za volant a vyrazil do prace. VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!! V jednej kokotskej zakrute bola namrznuta voda z vyliateho potoka, dostal som smyk a vyletel do priekopy. Vsade samy lad, nemohol som sa vyhrabat. VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!!
- Fu, tak to je mrzute, ale aspon ste zivy, nie? - snazi sa ho uchlacholit casnik.
- VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!! Ked som uz isiel volat tazku techniku, zastavil pri mne taky zasran na audine, ze ci nechcem pomoct. Moj nakladak ma asi 2O ton, tak mu hovorim: Ak ma s hentym vytiahnes, tak ta vyfajcim. VYJEBANI, SKURVENI VODICI VOZIDIEL AUDI, PFUJ, PFUJ !!!

uz to tu je, ale s BMW vodicom :)

myslim ze na audi to sedi viac... to ich quatro je znamejsie aj keby nefungovalo vobec...

stare..ale tak:

Harry Potter is so unrealistic, I mean a ginger with actually TWO friends? Come on.

Pár v posteli.
Ona: "Urobím z Teba najšťastnejšieho muža na svete.
ON: " Budeš mi chýbať: