Správa dňa: Dánskych hokejistov okradli. Okruh podozrivých je Široký.

Pražský pár večer v parku, na nebi padá hviezda: Jééééééééé koukéééééééééééj, padááááááá hvězda
Ostravský pár večer v parku, tá istá situácia: Pýčo, he!

Vraciam sa večer z práce domov a čo nevidím. Štyria tam bijú jedného.
Čo mi ostávalo? Musel som sa zamiešať!
A ako to dopadlo?
Noooo, zmlátili sme ho ako koňa.!!!

Na spoločenskom podujatí sa mladý lovec priplichti k dobre
vyzerajúcej dievčine a nadväzuje rozhovor:
- Tancuješ?
- Tancujem, plávam, lyžujem, korčuľujem...
- Čo to sem pletieš?
...- Pletiem, vyšívam, háčkujem, štopkám...
- Áááá do riti!!!....
- Do riti, do piči, do huby, rukou...

tak jej ho tam mal pichnut a umlcat

neni to vtip,ale vtipne to je...o to viac ze je to realita (english)
http://gawker.com/5803076/the-centers-for-disease-control-is-officially-prepared-for-a-zombie-invasion

o jedia kanibali keď je pôst?

rybárov

Ja som sa dost brutalne nasmial na sprave z novin z USA. Tak nech sa paci:

MuadDeeb napísal:

Ja som sa dost brutalne nasmial na sprave z novin z USA. Tak nech sa paci:

Super

Je to dlhe ale tak urcite sa oplati precitat :)

A 7-year-old kid came closer to realize every kid's dream than any of us: He bought a real Harrier fighter jet for $113,000 on eBay. Yes, a Harrier Jump Jet T-Bird Aircraft XW269. The whole shebang, weaponry not included.

============================================================================================ >>

-----SCENE: Phone Conversation.

JET ART AVIATION SALESMAN: Hello Mr. Smith. How may I help you today?

MR. SMITH: Hello, yes, I just won an auction for a...."Harrier" Jet?

J: Oh yes! Wonderful to speak with you Mr. Smith, we were just having a toast to your purchase! Let me put you on speakerphone -

M: No wait I -

J: Everybody say hi to Mr. Smith!

EVERYBODY: Woo!! Hi Mr. Smith!! Thanks!! (etc)

M: ...hello -

J: I have to tell you Mr. Smith, we are excited to assist you. We've got Charlie out in the yard pulling it out of the hanger right now -

M: Oh, that's -

J: And Olive here's even knitting you a sweater that says "I Love My New Harrier" - we were going to leave it in the cockpit for you, along with a gift basket of exotic cheese and crackers!

OLIVE: Mr. Smith!! It's Olive! What size should I go for? Men's large alright?

M: Well, hold on a second here -

J: Don't worry, it's all free. We just love to lavish attention on our clients!

EVERYBODY: Wooo!!! We love you Mr. Smith!!

J: So tell us Mr. Smith, when can we expect you dropping by?

M: Well, that's what I called to tell you. You see, it's funny, really.

J: Oh! I smell a joke!

EVERYBODY: Oh, we love jokes!! Go On!! (etc)

M: No No, no joke... You see, My son, he's seven and he loves jets -

EVERYBODY: Awwww!!

J: Say no more, Mr. Smith, say no more. Olive, better make that sweater kid sized!

OLIVE: He's going to love it!!

J: Mr. Smith, I got to say, you are one heck of a parent. The look on your child's face when he opens the garage and finds his very own Harrier Jet -

M: No wait -

J: Wait a second, is this a birthday surprise? Mr. Smith, we'd be honored to throw the little tyke a party! There's a roller rink not 2 miles down the way - my brother's the owner, bring all the kids you want, then we can shuttle them here for the big surprise!

EVERYBODY: Ooooooh!! That's a great idea!! (etc)

M: No wait a second! It's not his birthday!

J: No worries, party cancelled, he'll still love it. Love. It.

M: Now wait a second and let me finish my story!

OLIVE: Mr. Smith, it's Olive -

M: Hello Olive -

OLIVE: Mr. Smith, we just wanted to say, we're big fans. And we're sorry if we get a little excited. But we want to make this day as perfect for you as possible.

J: Yes indeed. So please Mr. Smith - Go on.

M: ...So my son, he's seven and he loves jets. Really loves them.

J: What red blooded boy doesn't? Am I right?

EVERYBODY: (Laughter and agreement.)

J: Go on, please.

M: So he was on the internet the other day and browsing around and he saw your ad for the jet and he bought it.

J: Your seven year old son bought our Harrier?

M: Yes he did.

J: Exquisite taste, sir. You have raised a connoisseur of aviation. Isn't that remarkable?

EVERYBODY: Oh yes! Wonderful taste! (etc)

J: We once had a twelve year old purchase an F-14 Tomcat, we begged him to consider the harrier but his mind was made up. But then, that's kids for you, am I right Mr. Smith?

OLIVE: Lovely Child I'm sure, Mr. Smith! Just lovely.

M: Yes, well, about that - we had to ground him.

J: But why?

M: Well, you see, he got so excited when he saw your ad that he went and grabbed my wallet and bought it on the spot.

J: Oh, he's impulsive!!

M: Yes, very.

J: Well, no harm there, he chose wisely -

M: And if I may finish? Very impulsive, yes... and I need to cancel the sale. You see, we can't afford the plane and even if we could, we don't know where we'd put it -

J: Excuse me? Mr. Smith, you're breaking up a little, could you repeat that?

M: I said I have to cancel the sale. I'm really sorry. ...Hello?

OLIVE: Mr. Smith? Did we hear you correctly? You're not buying the Harrier?

M: ...No Olive, I'm not.

J: Mr. Smith, that's not a very funny joke.

M: I wasn't joking -

J: You know, we try very hard here to unite people with the jets of their dreams and we -

M: Yes, I'm very sorry, like I said, he's very impulsive -

OLIVE: Oh sure blame the child!!

EVERYBODY: Yeah!!

M: Now wait a second -

J: What kind of a precedent is that to set for your child? Here Jimmy! Go buy the Harrier Jet of your dreams - Whoops!! Just kidding! It's mean, Mr. Smith. Just mean.

M: I didn't tell him he could buy it!

J: Well, you could still buy it, Mr. Smith. You could still surprise your little boy with the best present any seven year old has ever gotten, ever.

M: No, his mother and I would rather use that money for college -

J: College? Ha!

EVERYBODY: Ha!! What a Joke! (etc)

J: You know what the rate of return on a college education is nowadays? A hundred grand just to graduate, and most of 'em doing something else within three years, tops. It's a waste!

M: ...True, but still -

J: Mr. Smith, I hear you, I really do. But seriously. A college diploma on your wall doesn't amount to a hill of beans. But a Harrier jet parked in your driveway? That's instant credibility.

OLIVE: All arguments are invalid once you show them the Harrier, sir!

J: It's true! Isn't that true!

EVERYBODY: Oh definitely! (etc)

J: It's completely unimpeachable, Mr. Smith.

M: ...Huh. I never thought about that.

J: Listen to me. You bring this Harrier home, sir, and you will forever be the coolest dad ever.

OLIVE: Mr. Smith? I have two teenage boys, and I've never had a fight with them! You know how rare that is, for a parent to not fight or be resented by their teenage child?

M: ...That's very rare!

OLIVE: It's practically nonexistent! And you want to know how? It's because when they were six I got them each a decommissioned FA-18 Hornet!

J: Think about this, Mr. Smith. For price of one Harrier, you will have earned the respect of your child, for life. Period. Respect isn't measured in big screen tv's, Xbox's or college educations anymore, Mr. Smith. Respect is measured in Jets. And the Harrier is the coolest jet ever.

M: That's a really good point.

J: I know it is, sir. That's why I sell Jets.

M: ...Ok, I'll do it.

J: Perfect.

--END SCENE--

Sadly, his dreams were broken the same day, after his dad found out about the purchase and quickly contacted the company selling it—Jet Art Aviation—telling them the story and asking to cancel the sale. Obviously, they understood it and put it back on the auction block.
But here's the good news, kid: It wasn't really worth it. The airplane—which flew for the last time in 1997 after 26 years in the Royal Air Force—was not in working condition for legal reasons. Fixing it would have cost you several million dollars. Chin up, though. Now you will be able to spend all that money in something a lot more awesome. You know, like a college education.

Gobs napísal:

--END SCENE--

hm tiez by som bral take nieco ako darcek na narodky

jaaaaj, jeden lepsi ako druhy... ten spadnuty zlodejicek - "he made my day" DD